Dear tourists, we are more than happy to see all of you coming to Dubrovnik where we all get the chance to share our love and infatuation with this mesmerizing city.
But one needs to check their guide books here and there to know at least the basic things about the destination they’re going to. (And your tickets were not cheap, we know this, so why waste all the money?)
Born and bred in Dubrovnik, I had the opportunity to be asked inexplicably stupid queries on numerous occasions that left me speechless.
Below, the most “unique” questions and comments by creative tourists.
1. “So, do you dismantle the City Walls during the winter period?”
Me: Yes, we close our Disneyland and Mickey and Minnie Mouse can go on their holidays.
2. American woman: “Why do you have so much water in Croatia?”
Me: “You mean, like the fresh water resources? Oh, we have plenty of them, actually Croatia is…”
American woman: “No, no, like the water, I mean around us? (points at the sea) Is it because it rains here all the time?”
I die inside.
3.“So, do you have high schools in Dubrovnik?”
Me: No, we just rent Airbnb apartments and open restaurants, we don’t need schools.
(Well, actually…)
4.“Did you build these walls in the 1990’s when the Serbians attacked you?”
Me: What the…?
5.“Is Russian the official language in Croatia?
Me: Njet!
6.“The bay of Ston is full of trash, we did not expect this in Croatia. We were told the water is beautiful here!!”
Me: Gives a guide book on how to catch oysters the old-fashioned way
7.“Can Serbians cross the border and enter Croatia now?”
Me: Yes, honey. You’re in the Balkans, not in the Middle East.
8.“We sat in front of the St. Blaise church and drinks were very expensive!!”
Me: Why don’t you sit BEHIND the St. Blaise church then?
9.“I paid 30 euros for my room per day and I didn’t have a sea view.”
Me: Once I went to Paris as a student and paid 20 euros per night at the hostel. I did not have the Eiffel tower view either, such a pity.
10.“Can we cross the bay and go to Italy by kayak?”
Me: Nothing is impossible.
11. “I met one girl Ivana in Split, she’s very nice. Maybe you know her, tall, brown hair. She’s Croatian too.”
Me: Ivana, you say? Such a unique name, her parents must be very creative.
12. “You have a lot of eco products and organic food here.”
Me: We call it normal food that you find in your garden, you little hipster.
13.”Do we get locked in the Old Town if we don’t leave by midnight?”
Me: Yes, you better carry blankets with you, it gets cold during the night.
14. On Lokrum island:
”Why do they call it the “dead sea”? Who died here?
Me: Your common knowledge, I’d guess.
15.”So how come you decided to be Croatian?”
Me: Well, first I was thinking of applying for the Swiss citizenship, but the Croatian one was cheaper.
