…okay, a bit less than 100, but we guarantee the locals could easily come up with 30 more ways needed to round up the list. A look at every waiter’s nightmare on April 26, 2018
You must have heard about our undying devotion to the heavenly nectar that is coffee. A drink, a ritual, a social institution, coffee is consumed in ungodly quantities all over Croatia, and you’ll become aware of the phenomenon as soon as you step outside: café terraces, packed to the brim with cheerful coffee-sipping locals catching up on latest gossip or discussing serious worldly matters.
Such obsession with the iconic hot drink has naturally led us Croats to define our individual favourite ways of having coffee with astonishing precision. Nothing is left to chance, not even the quantity of milk – a shot of espresso with 2 drops of milk and a shot of espresso with 3 drops of milk are two entirely different things, I’ll have you know. Of course, this isn’t exclusive to Dalmatia, but they seem to be the most picky ones when it comes to their coffee-related habits.
The popular Facebook page Dnevna doza prosječnog Dalmatinca (Daily Dose of an Average Dalmatian) published an entertaining message sent to them by a local waiter, fed up with customers who tend to get a bit carried away with their orders. Sadly, a bit of nuance has unavoidably been lost in translation as some things don’t properly transfer to English; for example, ‘large coffee with hot milk’ has been shaved down to ‘large hot’ in Croatian ages ago. Nevertheless, we did our best to convey the full scope of variations used to order what is (in most cases) basically a simple macchiato. But with 2 drops of milk and no foam. Details matter! Let’s have a look, with Croatian alternatives noted as well:
“I’m kindly asking for ordering coffee (a.k.a. making things up) to be inscribed into the fu**ing Guinness World Records book.
Here we go… 3… 2… 1:
Espresso
Espresso, short
Espresso kratki
Espresso, long
Espresso duži
Double espresso
Espresso produženi
Espresso, in a big cup
Espresso u veliku
Espresso, half a big cup
Espresso do pola velike
Americano
Small coffee with cold milk
Kava mala ladno
Small coffee with a drop of cold milk
Kava mala kap ladnog
Small coffee, half a cup
Kava malo do pola
Small coffee with cold milk, not much (up to 3 drops)
Kava mala ladno duža manje mlika (do 3 kapi)
Small coffee with lots of cold milk
Kava mala ladno dosta mlika
Small coffee with hot milk, half a cup
Kava mala toplo do pola
Small coffee with hot milk, no foam
Kava mala toplo bez pjene
Small coffee with a bit more hot milk
Kava mala toplo s više mlika
Small coffee with lots of hot milk, no foam
Kava malo toplo s više mlika bez pjene
Espresso, decaf
Bez kofeina expreso
Double espresso, decaf
Bez kofeina dupli expreso
Double short espresso, decaf
Bez kofeina dupli kraci expreso
Coffee, decaf (see all possible variations under ‘hot milk’ or ‘cold milk’ listed above)
Bez kofeina
Large coffee with hot milk, no foam
Velika toplo do pola bez pjene
Large coffee with hot foam only
Velika toplo samo pjena
Large coffee with hot milk, milk only
Velika toplo samo mliko
Large coffee with hot milk, half a cup, with foam
Velika toplo do pola s s pjenom
Large coffee with hot milk, to the rim
Velika toplo do vrha
Large coffee with hot milk, to the rim, extra milk on the side
Velika toplo do vrha i mlika sa strane
Large coffee with 2 drops of cold milk
Velika ladno 2 kapi mlika
Large coffee with cold milk, half a cup
Velika ladno do pola
Large coffee with cold milk, a bit over half a cup
Velika ladno malo preko pola
Large coffee with lots of cold milk and some extra milk on the side
Velika ladno, sa dosta mlika i malo mlika sa strane
Latte, no foam
Bijela kava bez pjene
Latte, extra milk on the side
Bijela kava s mlikom sa strane
Latte, stronger with lots of milk (latte is 70% milk, how can it be ‘stronger’?)
Bijela kava jača s dosta mlika
Latte, decaf
Bijela bez kofeina
Latte, decaf, no foam
Bijela bez kofeina bez pjene
In some cases, latte with an ice cube in it
Ness [Nescafé instant cappuccino]
Ness Vanilla, lots of milk
Ness Vanilija dosta mlika
Ness Vanilla, no milk
Ness Vanilija bez mlika
Ness Vanilla, half water half milk
Ness Vanilija pola pola
Ness Vanilla, no foam
Nes Vanilija bez pjene
Icy Ness Vanilla
Hladni ness od vanilije
Icy Ness Vanilla, no foam
Hladni ness od vanilije bez pjene
(Same goes for chocolate Ness)
Ness Classic with milk
Ness classic mlikom
Ness Classic, no milk
Ness classic bez mlika
Ness Classic, no foam
Ness clasic bez pjene
Ness Classic with whipped cream
Ness clasic s slagom
Do you have coconut Ness?
Imate li ness od kokosa
Do you have caramel Ness?
Imate li nes od karamele
Back to coffee… if there’s ‘Ledo’ whipped cream:
‘Expreso’, short, with x quantity of whipped cream
Kratki expreso s Z slaga
Short with whipped cream, in a big cup
U veliku kratki sa slagom
Coffee mix, lots of whipped cream
Kava mix dosta slaga
Coffee mix, lots of milk
Kava mix sa dosta mlika
Coffee mix, half a cup
Kava mix do pola sve
And the king of all kings:
SMALL cappuccino
Irish coffee, with God knows what in it
Irska kava
Alongside all this, we have the fans of…
0,2 water
0,3 water with two ice cubes
Warm water
0,5 water
2 glasses of water
Coffee served with honey on the side
With ice
Without ice
And the list goes on and on…”
