BREAKING NEWS: Finally, Manchester United Sign Croatian Star!

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Manchester United sign Croatian Star. But who?
Manchester United sign Croatian Star. But who?

September 25, 2020 – Eight years ago, Manchester United were rumoured to be in for Luka Modrić, but he famously ended up going to Real Madrid. Although the Manchester legends have since featured Serbians Nemanja Matić and Nemanja Vidić, they failed to attract a Croatian to Old Trafford. Until, finally, now… Manchester United sign Croatian star!

Manchester United is one of the most historically famous teams in football. Every transfer season, rumours of who they will bring to their ground, Old Trafford, cause a flurry of clicks on the internet from fans all around the world. Most of these rumours turn out to be false, just like when they were linked to signing Luka Modrić from Tottenham Hotspur back in 2012. As we all now know, Modrić went to Spanish giants Real Madrid.

800px-ISL-HRV_(7).jpgLuka Modrić was linked to move to Old Trafford back in 2012. In 2020, when Old Trafford finally gets a Croatian star, is it him? Ne. © Svetlana Beketova –

Since then, although the Manchester legends have featured several players from the Balkan region, including Serbian aces Nemanja Matić and Nemanja Vidić, Belgian Adnan Januzaj, who is of Kosovar Albanian descent and Swede Zlatan Ibrahimović, who is of Bosnian descent, they have failed to attract a single Croatian star to Old Trafford. This despite a golden generation of Croatian players coming to fruition during the period. But, now, the wait is finally over. Manchester United sign Croatian star!

1280px-Old_trafford_february_2010.jpgManchester United sign Croatian star, but just who is the chosen one from Croatia who will soon appear at the Theatre Of Dreams? Manchester United’s home, Old Trafford hosts almost 75, 000 spectators and reaches full capacity at every first team match. Like United, many other Premier League clubs are located in the northwest of England, such as Liverpool FC (Anfield capacity under 54, 000) and Manchester City (Etihad stadium capacity 55, 000) © Parrot of Doom

However, the star that looks set to appear at Old Trafford over forthcoming seasons isn’t a replacement for their woeful rank of current defenders, nor a fall back for the seemingly unobtainable Jadon Sancho. The Red Devils will not have an Ivan Perišić racing down the wing, nor an Ante Rebić hovering dangerously close to the box. No, for this Croatian star will be located in the concession stands.

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In a Facebook post from earlier today, Kvarner-based businessman Andrija Colak announced the entry of his Surf’n’Fries food stands into the grounds of elite European football. “Stade de France, Old Trafford and many more… Here we come!!!” he wrote.

His Surf’n’Fries French fry company has been dishing out their savoury golden delights at the Mercedes-Benz Arena in Stuttgart, Germany for several years now and had planned to be at the Stade de France at the end of the Tour de France, but a precautionary move in response to the ongoing pandemic means that will now not go ahead. A Croatian company, Surf’n’Fries has franchises in four continents and earlier this year opened the world’s first French fry vending machine on a dog beach in Crikvenica.

The potential access to football grounds as prestigious as these comes as a result of a new contract with English company Rapid Food & Beverage, who have signed to take the franchise to stadiums in the United Kingdom and France. Their parent company is Rapid Retail, the UK’s leading supplier of pop up shops and kiosks (kučiće).

Ole Gunnar Solskjær’s Red Army have recently made a dreadful start to the new campaign, losing in a pre-season friendly to Aston Villa and again losing in the opening match of the Premier League to Crystal Palace. It’s understandable that United fans who watched Croatia’s brilliant progress in the last World Cup may have wished for a more famous revelation when reading ‘Manchester United sign Croatian star’.

1920px-Manchester_United_Panorama_(8051523746).jpgOld Trafford, where Manchester United play, is one of the most beautiful football grounds in the world. The same cannot be said about the team’s football since the retirement of legendary manager Sir Alex Ferguson, in 2013 © Steve Collis

Well, Manchester United have won more trophies than any other club in English football and hold a record number of 20 league titles in the world’s current-best domestic football league. Sometimes, you can’t have your cake and eat it. Although, when fans return to the stands at Old Trafford, they might well be able to do so with Croatian Surf’n’Fries.

EDITOR’S NOTE: For all of the real news about football, Croats in the Premier League, and all other sports, we advise you ignore this particularly foolish writer and instead focus your attention on the rather amazing Daniela Rogulj on TCN’s dedicated sports pages 

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