April 30, 2023 – The relationship between teachers and parents has certainly changed over the last few decades. Some worrying findings by Matea Celebija of Index.hr.
After the first major survey in Croatia on the relationship between parents and teachers showed that more than 93 percent of educators encountered inappropriate behaviour from the parents of their students, we spoke to primary and secondary school teachers who told us about their unpleasant experiences with parents.
All of them experienced some kind of accusation or threat from their parents, and some both. They say that parents often yell at them, accuse them of their children’s bad grades, and often threaten them with calling for an inspection and even firing them. Given that the inspection has so far not found any irregularities in their work with students, the teachers we talked to believe that, as in other countries, there should be penalties for unfounded and false reports by teachers.
Author of the study: “There are no longer norms of behaviour in the relationship between parents and teachers”
The research in which 2,811 teachers participated was carried out as part of the Pulse of the School project, which was jointly initiated by a team of scientists from the Faculty of Philosophy of the University of Zagreb and the textbook publisher Profil Klett with the support of the Croatian Teachers’ Union (SHU) and the Independent Union of Secondary School Employees ( NSZSŠ). Among other things, the research showed that 93.5 respondents encountered at least one inappropriate behaviour or action by the parents of their students in the last 12 months.
The results showed that in one year, the surveyed teachers experienced, on average, almost nine different forms of inappropriate behaviour or actions by parents towards teachers or teachers or in relation to the child’s school obligations.
Research leader prof. Ph.D. Dragan Bagić said on that occasion that the relationship between parents and teachers has changed significantly and that there are no longer clear norms and rules of conduct.
“School is a complex system in which there are numerous social relationships. Some of these relationships are quite strictly regulated, even by formal acts, such as teacher-student relationships, but for some of these relationships there are no norms of behaviour, or they have changed over time or been lost.
This research shows that the relationship between parents and teachers is just such a relationship, which has changed and today there are no longer clear norms and rules of behaviour in that relationship. Given that the traditional norms that regulated that relationship are clearly no longer valid, it is necessary to develop new norms of behaviour in that relationship,” commented Bagić.
The research showed that 29.7 percent of teachers experienced violent, physical or verbal behavior from parents, and 85 percent of respondents considered such situations to be the biggest problem in their relationship with parents.
In addition, 40 percent of teachers experienced pressure to increase grades, and even 72 percent of them encountered parents who put an inappropriate amount of pressure on their child because of grades, and 52.4 percent of them with parents who expect teachers to be constantly available.
Below we present several confessions of teachers who were threatened by parents of students or behaved inappropriately in other ways.
“The son of the principal at the school where I work stole glue, which I reported. His father threatened to get me fired.”
“We had workshops in the library and four students misplaced glues during the break. I saw this and went after them and asked them to return the glues or else I will write a note in their e-diary. Three students returned it, while one did not. He pretended not to know what it was about. After that I wrote him a note in which I wrote that he did not comply with my request, thus he showed me disrespect.
After that, chaos ensued. One day I was not at school and upon my return the student came to me and said that he demanded that I delete the note, to which I told him that I would not because it was not right according to the three students who listened to me and that everything was up to the class teacher.
After that he asked me once more to wipe it, I said I wouldn’t and then he told me: ‘You’ll see, we’ll go all the way.’ By the way, this is the son of the director of the school where I work. She was not at school at the time, and I explained everything to her in an e-mail because she was on a business trip at the time. To this day, I have not received an answer from her.
In the meantime, a letter from the father arrived in which he claims that his son did not steal the glue, that I am falsely accusing him, and that if I do not delete the note and write a public apology in the e-diary, he will activate his lawyer and the ombudsman.
He threatened me that they would work to get me fired. By the way, this is not the first problem with that student. He normally brags around the school, as witnessed by other teachers, and in elementary school he blew up a toilet bowl with a firecracker. Considering that his mom is the principal, everything was covered up.”
“The student filmed me and threatened me with death. He has the support of his parents.”
“This school year, we got a new student. To him, the school means nothing, he has all the units, but the situation did not culminate because of that, but because of his cell phone. He was constantly making problems and going to the teacher. He was filming me, putting his cell phone in my face, refused to put it down, and his parents supported him in this.
They were interviewed at school, but their attitude is that their son has no reason to take a mobile phone, that it is his property. According to them, the whole school should adapt to their son. In the last lesson, I took his cell phone and took it to the teacher, at which he got angry.
He was with the teacher for a while, and then he returned to class to get cigarettes. After that, he calmly came to class and said in front of the class that he was going to shoot me. What worried me the most was that he didn’t say it in an affected way, but completely calm. I later found out that he hit a student that day, and earlier he stole 50 euros from the janitor, which his mom returned and begged the janitor not to sue her son.
Meanwhile, the student continued to steal. He also stole a large amount of money from a female professor’s bag. I reported my case to the police. I asked for protection and a restraining order. However, I was told that the school is powerless there, that he cannot be removed from the school and that it is not possible for me not to teach him anymore because another teacher refuses to teach him.
The parents had an interview with the pedagogue and the principal. They justify and fully support their son. They asked for a special approach towards him, i.e. to let him out of class whenever he wants, so that he asks to leave every class, and an unjustified class cannot be written to him because he leaves at the beginning of the class and comes back at the very end.
He is not in class at the moment, but he will come to take the exam. I was told that I won’t get a restraining order because the State Attorney’s Office didn’t even ask for it, even though they said they would.”
“The student had all the units, and after he failed the class, the mother came to the school for the first time and insisted that I give him a pass”
“I teach a vocational subject and one student had all the units from it for the whole year. Therefore, the average is 1.0. He had to fail the class and complained about the unit that I concluded for him. I questioned him in front of the committee and I asked him questions at the elementary school level.
He answered every question with ‘I don’t know’. The committee agreed that this grade was insufficient and the student failed the class. The next day, his mom came to school, asked for an interview and insisted on concluding a positive grade, but the committee’s grade was final.
I told her that according to the law, she can come to school for an interview with the teacher until June 1st. Classes had long ended, and during the school year she never came for a conversation, information or parents’ meeting, even though the student had units throughout the year, and they live a hundred meters from the school. After that, she sent an inspection to my school, which found no irregularities.”
“The mother does not want to accept the fact that her child has a problem, so she accuses me of abuse”
“At school, we have a student who has developmental difficulties that his mother does not want to face. The mother first sent inappropriate e-mails to the professional service and then to me. She insulted my expertise.
At my insistence, she came to school, where she shouted at me and insulted me again. She thought that I was not doing my job well, that is, that I was abusing her child. She told me on several occasions that I am not normal, that I work outside the law, that I am not a teacher, that I am arrogant and cold.
She explicitly emphasized that I was to blame for every unit of her son and for every failure of his homework. She told me that her son doesn’t come to remedial classes because I insult him there, which is a complete lie.
The principal and everyone else who was at the meeting were appalled by what they heard. It is clear to everyone what kind of situation we are in, but nobody can do anything about it. So far we have not had such a case. The child has various difficulties that the mother does not want to accept.
She threatened me with an inspection, and she knows that she can send as many inspections here as she wants, because in Croatia, unlike other countries, there is no penalty for falsely accusing teachers. She was extremely aggressive towards me and was not interested in my explanation. She told me she didn’t want to hear my explanation because she studied my profession and knows everything about it.”
“The student’s father yelled at me because she had all the units”
“The parents came for information and at first everything was normal. After I showed them their daughter’s tests and grades, all of which were units, the father started to get angry with me. In the meantime, we also called his daughter until she came from class and explain your complete lack of interest in school.
She explicitly emphasized that I was to blame for every unit of her son and for every failure of his homework. She told me that her son doesn’t come to remedial classes because I insult him there, which is a complete lie.
The principal and everyone else who was at the meeting were appalled by what they heard. It is clear to everyone what kind of situation we are in, but nobody can do anything about it. So far we have not had such a case. The child has various difficulties that the mother does not want to accept.
She threatened me with an inspection, and she knows that she can send as many inspections here as she wants, because in Croatia, unlike other countries, there is no penalty for falsely accusing teachers. She was extremely aggressive towards me and was not interested in my explanation. She told me she didn’t want to hear my explanation because she studied my profession and knows everything about it.”
The student was correct, she admitted that she did not study for any test and that she never wrote any homework. However, my father did not like it and at one point he snapped and vented his anger on me.
He towered over me and roared. I got up and went to the choir room, whereupon he ran towards me and started shouting that no one would turn their back on him, insulted me and said that I would see my own. The whole school heard him. He threatened me with an inspection and said that in the future he would talk to me through the court. In the end he just left, and I was in shock and under a lot of stress.”
