Ston Councillor Annoyed By Pheasants Eating Grapes: ”I Won’t Have Anything To Drink”

Lauren Simmonds

Large, loud, colourful yet clumsy birds that seem to fail miserably at flying are well known as the eternal bane of modern society… At least in Ston.

Dubrovacki Dnevnik reports on an uncomfortable situation unfolding in Ston on the 1st of November, 2017. What does one do if ones grapes are being systematically stolen? Not by kids, not by passing thrill-seekers, not even by wasps and other pesky insects, but by members of the otherwise trusted avian community? Pheasants, the tireless terrors of Ston.

A funny question, you might say. Why not just let the cat out? Why not buy or build a scarecrow? Why not buy a spaniel or a retriever or some other top English bird dog? Why not shoot your gun every so often and maybe score a free meal out of it? The solutions to this problem seem to be multiple, but it isn’t as easy as it seems. Not to mention, the big males with their fancy ringed necks and long tail feathers can be very forthcoming when it comes to getting what they want, trust me, I grew up around them. Yes, I am actually talking about birds, and no, that isn’t pun.

As I write this, an ongoing battle between Ston’s marauding band of pheasants and one of Ston’s HNS councillors is heating up, so much so that it has even been ”made official” on social media. The irritated Vedran Kunica has just about come to the end of his tether with these lumbering, careless birds who seem to think his grapes are theirs. The seemingly helpless Kunica even brought it up as a topic at an official session.

Kunica said on his Facebook profile that last night, Ston’s councillors came to some “crucial conclusions for the municipality”. He explained, yes, you guessed it, that the pheasant problem is indeed a crucial problem for the municipality. One could get mad at such a statement, and indeed some local publications have. With some devastatingly serious and very concerning problems facing the entire country, how could a municipal councillor dare to bring up birds eating his grapes at an official session?! In my very personal opinion, you have to envy him. I wish this was one of my problems, and I wish thieving birds with poor moral compass’ were all we had to worry about in this marginally dysfunctional country.

He supported his staunchly anti-pheasant stance with his own traumatic personal experience, namely the fact that he wouldn’t have anything to drink. He also attacked local hunters and their respective societies. According to the frustrated Mr. Kunica, local hunting societies and their activities such as bird importation and the increasing of the number of pheasants is a hugely problematic issue within the municipality. Because, well, grapes.

HSLS’s Zdravko Kopanica, one of Ston’s top dogs, also discussed the issue and spoke at the session about the problems caused by these emboldened, unethical pheasants.

So far, no pheasants have been called upon to put their side of the story across.


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