Smallpox, Diarrhoea and Free Hand Jobs: Lost in Translation in Croatia

Language is a tricky thing. It unites us and it divides us, either way, it can be very funny.

Now, before we cause a backlash of people who think we’re genuinely laughing AT these people who have attempted to exercise their knowledge of both the Croatian language and the English language in one place, please think again. English is an incredibly difficult and grammatically complicated language and we praise anyone who gives it a go. But laughter is medicine for the soul and we’ve found some gems that are sure to make you spit out whatever you’re drinking.

Moje znanje, centar za poslovni engleski jezik/Facebook

Now, there are expensive bitches and there are cheap ones, that can’t be denied, it really does depend on where you go. But 10kn is really a sign of a bad economic situation! For all those who haven’t caught on yet, this is obviously in reference to a beach, and life is indeed a beach (a 10kn one) is it not?

24sata

Rucni rad means hand made or made by hand. Honestly, I’m not going to say no. Are you? Free is free.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

No parking charges here!

Moje znanje centar za poslovni engleski jezik/Facebook

An impressive offer in a restaurant! You can order, for the price of just a meal, a salary for two people. Considering the fact that its a struggle to survive on ONE Croatian salary, this is an offer that simply cannot be refused. If only we knew of the address of this economic bastion. Maybe Zdravko Maric will know? In any case, what we’re talking about here is a plate or platter/plata for two, it would have been understood without any translation, at least of the first word.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

If there is one thing you should never do, as the old fables say, is make a tomato angry. They are cantankerous things at the best of times and making juice out of them doesn’t lift their mood. Now, the word ljuti in Croatian can mean several things and the context of the sentence should really be the giveaway as to what it means in regard to the subject at hand. The word ”ljut/ljuta” means someone is angry or mad, it also means hot and/or spicey. Hopefully, an ounce of common sense will enlighten you as to what was attempted with this translation fail. So, I guess what we’re saying is never upset a tomato.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

Ah, the Bad Blue Boys from Zagreb. It may come as a surprise to some, but in between living for Dinamo Zagreb, hating on Zdravko Mamic and drinking, this group of delightful individuals show off their language abilities at any possibility. It seems on this occasion, however, the wall they wished to exercise their impressive linguistic skills on was not quite long enough to write the word ”viloence” on, whatever that means. The fact that it is in the ”a air” is also concerning. First polution, now this? Whatever next.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

One thing both Croatian and English (at least British/European English) have in common is that our languages have evolved over time to shorten down what you want to say. In Croatian, ”ne radi” is perfectly correct when you wish to convey the message that some piece of machinery is currently out of order or broken. In English, you have to elaborate a bit unless you want to sound like Tarzan, in which case, this is perfectly okay. Jane, where you at, your tyres are flat?!

Sanja Srdic

If there is one thing I hate, its when the changed can’t be returned. But change is as good as anything, is it not? In this case, you’re not getting it back either way.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

A nice combination of Croatian, English and German in this one. Impressive to say the least. I am also loving the chic aesthetic of what is known (to us intellectuals) as tooth-torn-sticky-tape, which is a bit like hand torn lettuce in overpriced restaurants. Just don’t tauch this keys, whatever you do. Oh and make sure you’re dry when going in the haus.

24sata

There are worse things to suffer from than a liver, unless you like beer a bit too much. But a warning about our health is always a good reminder. What we were going for here is liver pâté, you know, that French thing. Either way, look after your liver, it isn’t fun to suffer from and we thank this establishment for caring about our health. Patnje/Pati/Pate means ”suffering/to suffer” in Croatian, so, if we’re forgetting all about the French language here and taking it absolutely literally and as a direct translation, this is almost correct.

24sata

Doughnuts are really nice with chesse, in case you hadn’t tried them. Chesse also goes nicely in a burger, a salad, and in burek, I could go on. But, as this menu quite rightly states, too much chesse can result in some particularly unpleasant side effects in the bowel region, and leave you in quite a state, especially if you’re a bit intolerant to the diverse and popular animal product. Poljev is a very nice and diverse dish that can be made with many ingredients and twists. Proljev, is diarrhoea. I’m assuming that an explanation of what that is, isn’t necessary. If you’ve ever had a hot curry then you’ll know. The message to take away from this is to never over indulge on chesse (or cheese).

Ivica Profaca

Kozice are prawns, Kozice is also a village in Croatia and in Bosnia and Herzegovina. As you can probably work out, this pizza is not made from villages, or from the deadly smallpox disease. Pizza with seafood might turn the stomachs of some, but it’s certainly a better option that pizza infected with a horrendous health condition. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. At least you get sauce.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

I mean, you honestly can’t do anything here.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

Alright, I’m not really sure where to begin with this one. I’ll just tell you what it says. You know the hand towels that are usually blue? It’s saying that you shouldn’t put them down the toilet and flush them because they don’t break down easily can block the toilet up. The school shoulder is also NEVER a good idea to put ”paper for hands”, just so YOU! know. Don’t even think about it.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

Entrance is forbidden – Please don’t disturb us. This is what we were going for here. If we’re going from the direct message conveyed by this sign, it is safe to say that I am disturbed enough to pray.

Aleksandra M Mudrovcic

Skampi, who doesn’t love it? The only problem with it is that you need to get to it before it gets on the bus to go home, otherwise you’ve got no chance. What this really means is that the skampi has been done ”in the home way” as in, typically or traditionally to the area.

Tjedan polu pismenosti/Facebook

Right. Aside from the tape aesthetic which I’ve already described my personal love of, let’s get to the translation. The toilet facilities are only available for paying customers in this establishment, and the establishment in question works in the field of hospitality. I’m honestly not really sure where towels come into this story at all, but okay. Either way, if you’ve got some sort of gastrointestinal issue, (probably from too much ”chesse” at the last place) which this sign suggests, I’d say free toilet usage for anyone is only fair.

Marko Molan

Yeah, this one is obvious in itself, but can anyone actually physically pronounce the word ”1rd”? I’ve been trying, I can’t. A beer on me to anyone who can do it.

Ivica Profaca

God, additives. They’re everywhere, they’re responsible for so many health conditions and modern day illness, yet this restaurant doesn’t even attempt to disguise them, they even have an entire section of the menu dedicated to them! In case you were wondering, ”prilozi” means additions to food, such as, bread, vegetables, etc. Additives, or attachments as it is sometimes written, isn’t entirely wrong in all fairness, but it certainly isn’t correct.