Why I Would Never Date a Dalmatian Guy

Daniela Rogulj

Dalmatian men: would you date one? Daniela Rogulj, a Dalmatian gal via London and San Francisco, on why dating Dalmatian men in Split, on December 8, 2016.

Locals tell you that Split is the most beautiful city in the world, and after living here for more than a year, I would have to agree.

Locals will also tell you that the most beautiful women in the world are from Split, and a walk down the fashionable Riva on a late Saturday morning is the ultimate free fashion show. Stylish beauty unparallelled, and – if truth be told – a little intimidating for an outsider, despite my Dalmatian roots.

And they say too that Split and Dalmatian men are among the most handsome in the world, and I certainly would not disagree. And yet… after more than a year living in this magnificent city, I am happily single in my mid-twenties, with no plans to date a Dalmatian guy. While I thought it might just be something about me or the fact that I have too many Dalmatian men in my life already (thank you, Tata, etc.,), I reached out to some girlfriends, which included expats, Split locals, and females around the country, to get their opinions on the joys of dating a Dalmatinac. 

A selection of their observations and quotes below. 

“A Dalmatian man will invite you to their weekend house but when you get there he’ll ask you to make him something to eat.“

“They behave like children to women; they actually try to find their mother in girls.”

“They will always make you wear an undershirt to protect your kidneys. What the hell? The best thing to do is to ask them why…they don’t even know.” 

“They believe everything their grandma and mother say.” 

“If you aren’t Croatian blood, maybe just stop dating…baba and dida won’t approve.”

“They wear speedos.” 

“Nowhere could ever be home except for their home, trust me…NEVER!”

“They will keep you a secret as long as they possibly can.”

“Why is it so hard to introduce a girlfriend to the family, especially when you cannot even communicate with the family? For me it was an argument every day of why I had to be a secret after more than a year of dating. Talk about feeling worthless.” 

“I think they like eating lamb more than they like women.” 

“They sleep every chance they get.” 

“Their true love will always be the sea.”

“Their mothers spoilt them so much that they are used to getting everything but not giving anything.”

“They are very judgmental.”

“They have no idea how to change a diaper.”

“After a month in the relationship, a Dalmatian man refuses to get intimate with you. All of my friends have the same problem, and they need to persuade the guy to be intimate with them! I think it’s because they see their girlfriend as their mother, and no one wants to think of their mother that way!”

“They don’t even know how to fry an egg.”

“Dating a Dalmatian man is signing up to be a servant.”

“They are so stubborn and will never admit they are wrong.”

“Dating a Dalmatian man means having to get along with his mother.”

“Their old fashioned values have you in the kitchen and not in a career.”

“As much as they try to be the alpha male they still need you to be their mother at the end of the day.”

“They’re probably a part of Torcida and that gets annoying.”

“The main one obviously is that they’re f***ing Mama’s boys who live with their parents until 40 with no intention of moving out whatsoever. Also, they are tutasi which basically means that they have no style and their go-to wardrobe are grey sweatpants, 95% of the time from the one and only ‘New Yorker’, with an UNLIMITED sign written on one side, or some stupid hoodie, and a fanny pack!”

“They spend all the money in kladionica and always bet on something even though they absolutely have no idea what they’re betting on.”

“They worship Jesus but never go to church and use every swear word that includes God, Jesus, or the Virgin Mary.”

“They hate Serbs but listen to turbo-folk music.”

“They absolutely hate everything that’s not typical-marriage between a boy and a girl: kids, job, church, Hajduk, death.”

“They like to put tattoos in the Glagolitic alphabet (old Slavic alphabet), but the point is that they do it only because everyone does it and they heard it was cool, without actually knowing anything about the history or the point of it.”

“If you’re a confident, self-realized woman with a career, hobbies, versatile interests and a cosmopolitan world-view, you may want to consider a few things before agreeing on a date with a typical Dalmatian!”

“His idea of a first date is to go for coffee at a local bar. Coffee dates should not be a thing after one graduates high school, period. If this keeps repeating after the first three dates, walk away – you’ve probably fallen into a ‘galeb’s claws. A ‘galeb’ typically strolls the Riva or stalks the popular nightlife spots looking for foreign chicks to prey on. Alternatively, he’s a ‘kvartaš’ – a ‘hood boy’ who never leaves his local ‘kafić’.”

“His go-to outfit is a tracksuit, or tracksuit pants and a ‘nice’ (usually fake) Polo shirt. This is typically accompanied by some gold bling (the thicker the better). Do you really want to be dining out and strolling the Riva on Saturday night alongside a man that looks like he just left the gym? Or robbed a jewelers’?”

“He lives with his Mom. This is often justified because of financial issues, but you’d be surprised how many Dalmatian men in their 30s (or older!) choose to live with their parents long after it is necessary. Needless to say, we have a deal-breaker.”

“Let’s say your potential flame is of the open-minded sort and doesn’t mind an ambitious female by his side – there is still a danger of his Dalmatian pride being stirred up. Chances are he will feel intimidated and inferior, or simply unable to keep up with your lifestyle.”

“They are mostly still typically conservative ‘seljaci’ acting and behaving like they’re still in the village”

“Most of them don’t have girlfriends because even if they have some feelings for them it’s more about if she looks hot and if she’s ‘pička’ (girls with hair extensions, too much makeup, prozirne tajice, Celine T-shirts…) so that they can be seen with her on special occasions.”

“They are not romantic or anything and the top of their activities are coffee every day and then they even don’t talk to each other (because everyone is busy with their phones) and if it’s more than coffee, after a night out you’ll find a photo on Facebook the next day of them in the club with the bottle of brandy on the table. Plus having a BMW is a must even though they don’t have money for gas.”

“Because even if they are a bit more ‘rich’, if they own bars or a restaurant they have to have a BMW or some fancy car so they can show off more thinking they are some kind of God and think that they can do and have whatever they want (like when they come to a bar and they go to the waiter “alo mala give some alcohol to me you are good looking so you can take something as well” and they send bottle to the hottest girl in the bar and her friends).”

“Their girlfriends look like pevaljke (girls singing cajke with no brain).”

“They’re Torcida and that is a special type of guy – they just have beer every day, all day, and don’t give a shit about anything and Hajduk is their life and that’s the most important thing to them.”

“Dalmatinici all think that they are special and they are not, they are not romantic and not willing to do anything such as travel.”

“They think they know everything, and expect the woman to know nothing.”

“They are looking for a sex-pot, but want a doormat.”

“They let their mothers vet their girlfriends.”

“They let their mothers mistreat their wives.”

“They eat, drink, smoke because their mothers taught them to expect oral gratification.”

“They are constitutionally promiscuous but expect girlfriends/wives to be faithful.”

“These Dalmatians don’t change their spots.”

“They all wear Dior and fancy clothes from Bosnia and tight t-shirts and they are mostly the types of the guys who go to the gym and take a lot of steroids to be big in their arms and shoulders but they still have a belly and chicken legs.”

And what about dating a Dalmatian girl, I hear you cry? We are already compiling a list after word of this article got our to some other halves, an article we shall publish shortly. Got something to suggest? Email us on [email protected] 


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