Like I said last time, language can unite and it can divide!
Seeing as my last piece on translation fails which involved deadly diseases, bowel problems and free hand jobs was very well received (no pun intended, well, maybe a bit), I decided I’d stick with the intellectual theme of linguistics. I’d like to preface this with the same nice, politically correct and friendly words as I did before: This is not intended to make fun of anyone attempting to exercise their linguistic skills, English is a hard language and I commend all those who give it a go, but to laugh at ourselves is healing for the soul, apparently.
Tjedan polu pismenosti
Let us begin this article with a nice offer for anyone who has been around the block a few times and has had enough of traditional dating. Caffe Coffee (good name, just by the way, gets to the point), is offering free wives. I don’t know if you get to choose them from a line up or if you’ve got to sign up to some sort of scheme, but caffeine can only do so much, why not grab a life partner who you slowly end up despising while you’re at it?
Iva Koscak Brajkovic
Ah, Franjo Tudjman Airport, Zagreb’s answer to attracting tourists from far and wide, and, indeed, it has done. But what with toilets disabled and now a cigar ”celler”, it might be difficult for people to know whether they’re coming or going.
Kristina Ergovac
In my last piece, I kindly let all of you know that there are bitches available in Croatia for a mere 10kn, and I know you were very grateful to know that, given the state of the economy and all that. There is an old saying that if the price is not listed next to a product, it’s too expensive. This might be true in this case, but at least you know which direction to go in, roughly.
Martin Mayhew
You might not know this, and I’d like to apologise in advance to all the animal lovers who read TCN, but owing to inflation, beer has become a rare commodity that only the wealthy can afford. Bears have always been an issue, they raid people’s bins, they make a mess and they sometimes even get p*ssed off and decide to take it out on us innocent humans who, of course, can do no wrong. Because of this, you can now drink a blended up bear as opposed to beer. There is no vegan option, yet.
Tjedan polu pismenosti
This couldn’t really be more wrong. Okay, punjena paprika is stuffed peppers, and, surprisingly, has nothing to do with punishment! Gulas s tjesteninom is goulash with pasta or, if we’re stretching it a bit, it could be noodles. What it most definitely isn’t, is goulash with a celebrity. That being said, I haven’t seen Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson for a while…
Hobotnica Better! Better than what, exactly?! It surely cannot be better than goulash with celebrities in it? Hobotnica Better is in fact octopus ”ispod peke” or ”under the bell” which is a traditional form of cooking. Teletina Better is veal, and Janjetina Ispod Peke is lamb. I know what you were thinking with ”length under the pipe”, get your mind out of the gutter, free hand jobs aren’t on offer here like they were last time.
Martin Mayhew
It is indeed very hot during the long summer months in Croatia, so hot in fact that along with all the candles and incense, your heart does sweat a bit. Thanks to this sign in Rijeka for keeping it real.
Moje znanje, centar za poslovni engleski jezik
Burek, the food of the hangover Gods, the ”I’m hungry but not enough to eat a meal” Gods and the ”I only have 10kn in cash” Gods. Thankfully, burek comes with many different twists and in some parts of Croatia and Bosnia and Herzegovina, you can still buy it with apples! Aside from the rarer apple burek, you can buy cheese burek, meat burek, spinach burek and, just as this sign quite rightly states, you can actually get your innermost hopes, dreams and deepest desires stuffed into a burek if you’re willing to wait five minutes. If that doesn’t burn your tongue then I don’t know what will. What we were actually going for here is a bit of a conundrum and I can understand (almost) why it caused a bit of confusion. In Croatian, ”želja” means wish or desire, so, for example, you’d say ”moja želja je” (my wish/desire is). The fact there is a ž and not your standard z is what poses the great Google Translate problem here. Zelja(e) (not želja!) is another word for greens like cabbage (kupus).
The Catamaran is not coming, and not going either. Just letting you know.
Jezicni FAIL – Nepismenost nasa svagdasnja
If there is one thing I hate, it is when the hand cryer don’t working. All that tissue needlessly used… what will the eco warriors say? They’d probably cry, unlike this stupid machine which don’t working at the best of times.
Predrag Georgijevic-Spiler
Ah disease, is there anything better? Last time, I talked about the gastronomical wonder that is pizza with smallpox that you could even get sauce with. This time on the (un)healthy agenda, we have cevapcici in leprosy. If smallpox isn’t your thing, perhaps leprosy is. If neither of them float your boat, wait until the next installment of translation fails to see what other horrendous ailments might suit you better.
Jezicni FAIL – Nepismenost nasa svagdasnja
Unless you’re a geste, just be prepared to pay.
Jezicni FAIL – Nepismenost nasa svagdasnja
I’m honestly unsure as to what citizens are being informed of here, but whatever it is, you’re paying for it.
Jezicni FAIL – Nepismenost nasa svagdasnja
Just like burek with desire, hoot dogs are a good snack when you’ve got no cash on you or you’re not quite in the mood to sit down for a meal. At this price for a hoot dog, where else would you go?
Jezicni FAIL – Nepismenost nasa svagdasnja
You can get just about anything here, none of it will be spelled correctly though.
Tjedan polu pismenosti
Private parkirking here. All those who attempt to parkirk won’t get off lightly.
Paul Bradbury
You’re not supposed to bring a drink in a bottle, flashes aren’t recommended either.
