As Croatia’s new government prepares to unveil its new Ministry for Making Babies, Tanja Radmilo casts a curious eye over the activities of the proposed new ministry, and comes up with some intriguing suggestions as to who should be the Minister. Not to be read before the 21:00 watershed, or if rude words offend.
Finally what we have been waiting for since the 8 November elections last year. We are so curious about reforms, reforms reforms that everbody and particularly MOST has been talking about. The first reform will consist of changing the name of the Croatian Parliament into the Croatian State Parliament. Croatian citizens, who are deeply shocked by the announced extensive change that will have immeasurable effect on their daily lives, have received another blow.
Allegedly, HDZ is proposing the setting up of the new Ministry of Demographic Revival, after which nothing will be the same. Since Croats are too busy paying off loans, filling in sports betting tickets, getting drugged by political programmes on TV, posting on social networks, they have somehow forgot to make new babies.
Although not all details have currently been disclosed, a source close to HDZ leadership tells us that the new Ministry will consist of the Fertility Assistance Office, the Office for Control of Interrupted Intercourse, the Directorate General for Screwing, and the Division for Condoms Damaging. There will be uterus inspectors and dick inspectors who would go and check on couples who do not procreate once every two years. Every couple will be entitled to a free sexometer device that will measure the number of intercourses by the couple.
(Photo credit Lobotomizator Facebook page)
A new definition of a minority is expected to consist of people who do not have children, they will pay extremely high taxes and will not be entitled to any other rights. There will be state aids for free receipt of African Plum, oysters, nuts and that little blue pill.
Since the average Croatian Ministry employs at least 400 people, no wonder that many citizens are very interested in new positions that will be opened in the Ministry. The only qualifications necessary are that you know how to use your procreation tools and that you are willing to use them often.
Rumour has it that the candidates for the new Minister are Željko Kerum, former mayor of Split, who called himself Hector because he does it every night and produces one child per year, and Zdravko Mamić, Dinamo’s football manager, who is famous for his brilliant motto „I stick you on my dick“.
The country with such a Ministry has nothing to be afraid of, those with the brains will trickle away to some other stupid countries that are not interested in the future of its citizens, and dickheads will take their places.
